Need To Figure Out My BATNA

He: “Awoo!  Awooooo! Awoooooooooo!”

Me: “Shut up. Shut up! Shuttttt!!!!! Uppppp!!!!!

I have lost a lot of sleep over these awoooo’s. And this awoo-producer is my sworn enemy:

Why? Why me? Why has this creature taken over my beautiful balcony, my oasis of fresh air high above the sounds of the city, my private little dining room, my perfect office?

My beautiful floor tiles are covered in white, disgusting “debris”. I read that black pepper would get rid of them, so I spread pepper everywhere. The pigeons didn’t mind, but every time I went out to scare them away, I had a sneezing fit.

I have conducted a month long war with these creatures. They are not afraid of the fake owl hung to frighten them. And they are certainly not afraid of me.

I am afraid of them, though. One time when I got too close to the nest, this creature flew up and away so fast I thought he would take my head off. Sheesh!

About that nest.

Yes, he built a nice nest right in the secluded corner next to the drain. And in that nest, two perfect eggs one day appeared.

Awwww. I feel bad now. Surely I could put up with a few awoo’s  of a pregnant mom.

Then one day, pieces of eggshell were strewn everywhere (all over the once-clean tiles of my balcony floor, I might add).

Then I saw the chicks. Awwww. How cute.  Can’t we all get along?

So I did some research. It seems the male builds the nest and then coos to attract a mate. Hence, “Awoo. Awoo! Awoo!!” Then the male and female take turns sitting on the eggs. And they take turns feeding the chicks. What a sweet family! So egalitarian.

How about a deal, Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon? How about next time you find another place to build your nest, so I don’t have to be kept awake by awoo’s, and I can use my own balcony again? In return, you can show me absolutely all the baby pictures you have on your phone. What do you say? That’s more generous than my friends and I are with each other. We limit each other to one or two photos of the kids or grandkids at one time. But you, Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon, you can show me everything in your camera.

That’s silly, you say? I don’t think so. Pigeons are among the smartest animals on the planet. They can find their way home from thousands of miles away, they can recognize the letters of the alphabet, and they can recognize themselves in a mirror. That’s better than I can do. I always stagger into the bathroom when I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say “Jeez! Who the heck is that scary-looking creature?!”

So the pigeons are smarter than I and I am sure they can be deal-makers, if only they will discuss it. They probably will get the best of me though. I guess I better figure out my BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement). Maybe earplugs?

©2015 Margery Leveen Sher

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