Yes, that was me sitting at my Board room table, refusing to get up for any reason whatsoever.
People looked at me strangely since I usually get up and greet people when they arrive and when they leave. But not this time. This time I would not budge.
Nor would I back my chair up and cross my legs comfortably as I listened to the conversation. Not this time. This time I had my chair so close to the table that I could only sit up ramrod straight and stiff.
Furthermore, I hardly looked at the papers in front of me, and hardly took notes at all.
Why was my behavior so stilted and strange?
Well yours would be too if you showed up to an important meeting wearing a jacket from one suit and pants from another.
The jacket and pants did not go together at all – not the color, not the cut. And to top it off, I had selected a bright red shirt so as to draw attention to my authority…The bright red looked particularly bad with my pants, which turned out to be green.
Now you see why I couldn’t stand up. I am emphatically not, a Christmas tree.
But what about not reading? Ah, here’s where my Magoo-ishness will be confessed. I have worn contact lenses since I was 13 years old. I have particularly terrible eyesight, and only wear my coke-bottle-bottom glasses from the bed to the bathroom in the morning. Believe me, they are much worse than the huge glasses on my Did Ya Notice? Project avatar.
Carly Simon’s song, “You’re so Vain” was certainly written about me.
Now due to an eye problem, I temporarily cannot wear those contact lenses. You will agree that a sophisticated, stylish woman (mismatched suit notwithstanding) cannot appear with Magoo glasses. Do you know Magoo? He was a cartoon character long, long ago with particularly terrible eyesight. He didn’t wear glasses so he got into all kinds of trouble, needless to say….
And so do I, sitting in the meeting, almost sightless, talking solely from memory since there was no way I could read anything. Which, of course, is why I was wearing my maladroit costume. I couldn’t really see what I was grabbing from my closet early in the morning either.
So now, I must walk around like this, either almost blind or Magoo-like, in who knows what odd apparel.
So I have decided that, like the old king of Spain who made the Spaniards all speak with a lisp because he did, and so they do to this day, I henceforth decree that Magoo glasses shall be the latest rage and highest style.
Are you in?
© 2013 Margery Leveen Sher